Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies a place of our growth and freedom.
-Victor Frankl-
During an accusatory confrontation not too long ago, I realized that the only thing that separates a leader from anyone else is their response. A leader chooses to see the other’s point of view and understands not only the verbal complaint but the root of the problem. Next, a leader chooses not to be right, but to make an effort to solve any problem with compassion and opportune timing. Sometimes, compassion means saying or doing something that could hurt a person or even damage a relationship. Or, it may mean that the leader may have to seem wrong for a time in order to help a person grow.
Being a leader requires the acceptance of being wrong when the leader is wrong and even wrong when the leader is right. To clarify, I used to believe that in order to be respected and viewed as credible by my peers, employees, volunteers, colleagues, and employers, I had to be the best at everything. This included proving to others that I was intelligent enough to participate in conversations through thorough analysis based on research, self improvement, and working harder than anyone. I recently realized what my perfection seeking communicated to others, that being right and the best was most important to me.
I realized that even in the smallest conversation it is better to look for themes in each person’s dialog than enter into the conversation itself. Every moment we are communicating something; this rings true: the most important thing is to communicate that we care. It is not about understanding what people are verbally saying it is about understanding people. Leadership is about looking for the underlying message that each person unconsciously communicates. When a leader does this, he or she automatically enters the person’s reality and communicates that he or she cares. It is the impression that the leader imprints on the person’s unconscious mind that matters. In the constant dialog of the human mind is where conclusions are ultimately drawn. Long after the group or individual conversation, situation, meeting, or workday ends the multiple conclusions that matter have yet to be made.
Leadership is about laying down ego for the greater good. I struggle with this on a daily bases because I truly want to be the best person I can be so that I may make a difference in this world. However, being the best is not what makes a difference in this world. It is about seeing the most important thing in life: the personal growth of all individuals.
A leader does not care to be right or wrong, but sees every response and situation as an opportunity for growth. A leader sees a bad circumstance as an opportunity for immense positive change and paradigm shifts because a leader has the ability to take even the most heinous circumstance and convert it into something more. A leader is able to do this because of the realization that everything is a collective action and each individual must feel cared for and have purpose. To conclude, it is the leader's job to help people find their greater purpose without the person knowing they've been helped.
Amber Stubbs
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